Faith Series - there is no condemnation in Christ

Guilt. Shame.

I never know how much these two little rascals can bring so much destruction into one's life. But it surely does.

I grew up with a fairly happy childhood, a girl who loves activities, anything related to arts or team activities - sports, choir, and class events. However, when I was a child,  I went through two child abuse cases well, not two but several ongoing events of living with child abuse. I never knew that such encounters have such an impact into my adulthood.

My life was filled with guilt and shame that I never knew I carry since I was more angry at the people who inflicted the suffering and pain. I  felt the helplessness of a victim that later have many repercussions into my life. I was easily anxious, easily fearful, easily depressed. And I went through tons of psychotherapy to help me. Now that I am in my thirties, my last therapy session was just last year.

I am often ashamed of myself, my self esteem is like a wisp of clouds. One moment, I am sure I am confidence of being myself, another moment, I feel the confidence just flitters out of my life. The life I used to live is always a roller coaster, emotional draining journey especially when I got into any life struggles.

A breakup in relationship that last for 15 years, further accentuated the mental struggles I have to live with.
My self esteem plummets. I was angry, sad, utterly disappointed with life and people. I couldn't fathom living on but God came into my life. There are many times in life, I was so drained out, so weary that I feel I couldnt in such agonizing situations.

I was living in self blame, guilt and condemnation so much so that I feel my life has come to a stall.
And that there is no way that I can turn back and change any of the circumstances and that I will have to bear with the burden of the onset of other people's actions.  I was totally devastated. I was looking at my flaws and shortfalls.

But when God came into my life, He has showed me that

1) No matter how beaten up, broken up I was in my heart and body as a girl , later in my adulthood  - That I am always God's precious Child. There is no condemnation in Christ.

2) He has guided my heart into forgiveness and letting go.

3) He has shown me His purpose for me

4) He has developed in me a strong sense of righteousness for the oppressed and needy

5) He has showed me that my body is the temple of Holy spirit that I should honor and not be ashamed of.

6) He has showed me that He has given us the power, self discipline and love and not of timidity.

7) He has showed me gratitude in all things and sufferings that endurance will produce character and character - hope.

8) He has showed me how precious I was and how He has unconditionally love me so I should stop the afflictions on myself.

9) When He sent His son, Jesus to die for us, his head pointing towards heaven, his feet to the earth, his arms wide embrace - how deep and wide His love is for us.

10) He has showed me that I no longer lived under the mercy of others, the wicked but by His grace.

11) He has showed me His judgement on wicked acts and the short-lived acts of disobedience.

12) He has showed me self responsibility, and empowerment along the years.

10) And He has showed me what need to be built and what need to be pulled down.

11) He has showed me that I am no longer a victim in life but more than a conqueror.

11) And Samuel's ear to listen to His instructions and be quick to obey.

12) He has showed me that He is loving, meek and gentle and lowly. He is our Abba Father.

13) He has showed me into an intimate relationship with Him, my hand on His right hand.

14) He has continued to envelope me with his blessings, whispers, and goodness of life.

Life has made a turn for the better in 2013. The last two years, I was isolated and introverted. But slowly I am stepping back into the community. I am making friends, learning to do what I 'll enjoy doing, living with no guilt, shame and less anger and fear than before. My heart is more peaceful.

My confidence and faith has recovered somewhat but still more innerwork need to be done. There are still days where I shrunk back but like Yvonne Foong used to say and remind me "I need to press on with more diligent and determination. "

I thank God for His leading and guiding and His "never forsaking me" presence. I thank Him for sending people along the way to help me and pointing me in the right direction and healing.