I have always been attracted and inspired by the teachings of listening to one's heart each time I read books on philosophy or self discovery. It is indicated as one of the foundational yet pertinent steps towards the self "individuation" process which make room for transformation.
Each time, my longing and desire to write aroused my heart but I often find the easiest excuse to brush aside this desire. My excuses have since, formed an indeterminate list ranging from lack of time, workload, to the ever-so-dumb, self pro-claimed excuses of "I don't think this is important"; progressing to the more sophisticated excuse of "lack of writing theme", and external opinions of others who find blogs are part of "wasting time", or gossip-focus.
What's the point of writing a blog and keeping it a secret when no one reads it? Forget it. My shadow convinces me to repress the thought.
After a long drudging time of procastination and repression, I guess the little voice in my heart cannot contained itself any longer. It shouted out in my heart and mind one day while I was laying on my bed nonchalantly doing my usual reading. The shout is like an awakening. I lifted my head abruptly with wide open eyes as if I am hit by an apple just like Newton discovered gravity sitting under the tree.
The sudden surge of feelings to write and what to write just hit me that instant moment. Is this inspiration? I scrambled out of my bed which is scattered with books, grabbed hold of my laptop, anxiously waited for it to boot up while trying to catch hold of the idea in my mind, my fingers tapping impatiently on the keyboard, my heart beating faster and my mind racing ahead.
As they said, when one gets too excited, one will tend to stumble. I stumbled on my blog login password that I created just few days ago. Damn, how can I be so forgetful??! Cursing and swearing isn't a good start to creating a new post, I tell myself. I cooled myself down and finally, after several attempts with perspiring palms, I got in and pen down this first blog.
Don't laugh. I know it sounds silly, my struggle and experience of writing the first and to me - the "critical" post of my lifetime. I thought so that first impression counts in a new blog. It isn't damn hard as I thought it will be for my first muse in writing. Yet it isn't easy too.
My heart flys as words flow. My eyes lit, my face glow in satisfaction. All my sleepiness is gone. The feelings are mystical. Ah! The incessant joy of writing! A creation out of listening to my heart!
It dawned on me that impression does not matter any more..
Hopefully a transformation will ensue.
