FOAME

He is a seal pup. Foame is his name. Most seals have large, round eyes but foame was borned out of the norm with small eyes. There is always this look of sadness in his eyes perhaps because how his eyelids are droopy but he is a cheery pup. He barks like a a real pup when he got bullied by most of his sea mates over the catch of the day . Dory, mackerel, sardines are his favorites and he hates shrimps but occasionally when he finds shellfish, he will try to share that with his mom whom he adores. He'll roll them up the shore with his front flippers, and tucked them neatly away in a tiny reservoir made out of pool of stones. Also his secret hiding place when he gets tired of swimming and meeting strangers from the sea.

Foame was adopted since young when his mum passed away. Rame found his shrivelling and trembling body by the cliff and feed and nurse him for six months now. Unknown to Rame, foame has a keen of curiosity for all everything under the sun and does give her some trouble answering his questions all day. However his curiousity gives him plenty time of play and fun and adventures and Rame is careful to watch that he does not get himself into trouble each time. The last time, he was so curious to trace Liny, the crab's secret play shed that he tried to flipper himself sideways like how Liny did. He got  stung twice and his howl echoed and ripple across the tropical water. Bernie and his flock of friends gathered to laugh at him as he ran to his mum for refuge.

He hates Bernie and his friends but Rame is trying to teach him to love others. 'You have got to love others, Foame. You cant be avoiding others that you dont like and hide in the pool all the time, barking and growling at them each time you see them, its rude'. 'But mommy, ' replied Rame, 'they are always teasing me that I am not your son but you are really my mommy. They always laugh at my short flippers.  They made me so angry. Anggrry, angry. And they can laugh at me and flap and catch fishes at the same time. How can theyy..?? I am not going to  trust them and made them my friends. Like I trust liny and love you. I don't like to love people I don't trust.' Foame frowned and walk away.

Rame is hoping that one day she is able to tell Foame that she is not his real mom after all. But it is hard.

 'He will be really disappointed if one day he realised the truth. What should I do?', thought Rame as she stares out at the horizon.

The sun is beginning to set and the tide has beginning to calm down. Across the shore, others are gathering up their small ones homewards. In the backdrop, she could hear Liny crooning a lullaby to her babies and decided to look for Foame.

'It's only the beginning,' she sighed.

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And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven.

Feelings

Read this book by Richard Rohr :
The gift of Contemplative Prayers Everything Belongs

I attended the first of a 4 days workshop on emotional well being & spirituality organized by the St. Andrew Cathedral and left the first session feeling more connected to myself. Often, the world has such a denotion, that feelings ought not to be emphasized too much in our life, as feelings are well, just fleeting ones and do not represent the rational way of looking at things from an objective perspective and definitely is not a basis of decision making or embarking your actions from.

And thats where the peril lies. We bottled up our anger because anger is sinful. We dare not expressed our sadness and gave them little time or attention to release them. Every emotion has to be "get over soonest" , and let go and move forward before you've got dragged down and fall into a depressive stance. Look beyond your feelings. Does such comments sound familiar to you? Therefore, we held back our emotions, we suppressed, we bottled up and force ourselves to move forward so that we will look as though we are back on track with our seemingly normal life, surviving all trials and well - outwardly strong. Just what the society think we should look, don't we? Survivors. Conquerors.

And so, unknowingly, we laid the foundation of a wall made up from cement of  mixed feelings, pain, hurt, cries of frustrations, bitterness and resentment neatly brick together and we see ourselves more recluse ever and isolated from getting in touch with our heart and feelings and not withstanding in relating to others as well. We hit the wall most of the time. We fell into a period of brokenness and see ourselves unable to breakthrough the wall. Years of building up unhealthy emotions and not allowing it to release and feeling them in a deeper way left most of us creating the human wall that we later on, find it hard to chip away ourselves.
And when things get explosive, we seek therapy and counselling and medication.

It'll take a lot of time to unravel the past and slowly getting into touch with your own feelings, asking God to minister to us and help us and giving plenty of forgiveness to people who have hurt you before, it is worth it. Rather than avoiding the whole issue althogether. Although things may not be at the same level of friendship again for example, allowing ourselves to feel deeply during moments we need to, to mourn, to grieve, to overcome the loss, to release the emotions till we feel we are ready to get up and go again is important. Do not be afraid to do it, or be afraid of the world view of being weak or vulnerable. Allow yourself space and time. Care about your feelings, care about how your heart feel and be confident to follow your heart.

You love yourself more than you think.

Hide Thyself by the brook

I wrote this in my quiet time at the end of a day when I am totally exhausted. I hope to share with you lovely readers.

Hide thyself by the brook
As I sat by the brook, under the tree of life deeply root,
Abiding by the living waters of God that keep the falling maple leaves afloat
I listen to the glistening water bubbling in the brook
My eyes on the word flowing from His book..

The thoughts of Him so close fills me to the brim
The wonderful life around the corner I am sure He will bring,
God the almighty, His power majesty, of here He reigns
His grace and his strength no one could ever replace
Then I heard His gentle whisper,
Be still my child, be still
Be not afraid nor anxious but be still,
Come to me and listen to me and rest in me
For there are no other Savior
Who will come to you apart from me

You are not alone for I am with you through the meanders of life
Just like this brook that dries but steadily flow, and
To the next winding bank upon me you will travel
So be not afraid nor anxious but be still
I love you and love you always
With you with you will I go.

Evan C. @copyright

Specks of memories

whenever someone I know is leaving the country to go elsewhere, I feel like some remnants of me is missing because mutual understanding has built without even having each other speaks. Sometimes I will delve into imagining what life is out there waiting for them. It is always for the better that I can think of, something wonderful and adventures around the corner waiting for them. However, this desire is something I couldn't imagine for myself at the moment or with the possibility of mind that it will happen to me.

And so, they left with memories behind, specks of memories and images and words from the conversations that we have enjoyed still linger, making my heart yearned even for more of their presence now. If they will be gone. Every part of doing things together, having and sharing simple conversation with imagination that never limits ; and meals and encouragements during watershed moments just kept swarming by like fleeting specks of dust settling in my eyes.

And I have to keep this part of memories because it is precious and close to me, that I'll can recall whenever things are not going the way, or let them fill up the empty space in my mind when moments get still or little dreary. However reminiscing someone and the words spoken, do bring an aching feeling somewhat, that sometimes I am caught in a dilemma to retaining these memories. On the contrary, it is always gratifying.

i thought I'll missed them. i thought I'll look forward to meeting them next time if they're back and feel the happiness of reconnecting with them again. Distance and time will make a difference in the medium of communication, only God can be the bridge across the open sea.

This article is written for my dear Godmommy.

Quick Scribble Series

I wish I can deposit my weary urban-driven self into a garden of tranquility lately and am still trying to shed off the fatigue. I figured where and what is next I can do to get a peace of mind, does peace really has to be pursued?

I came upon Six Blue birds written by Bonnie Jensen in Roy Lessin's Dayspring blog, 'Meet me in the Meadow' and the devotional touched me, I was whiffing tears when I finished reading it.

Someday, I hope to get to a meadow and sit under a tree and watch the day goes by. Will I get there? I wish God will bring me away in His whirlwind into another place sometimes.

Matthew 11:28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Just a while ago, I decided to step off from the work treadmill to visit a book centre and I saw a tree in a meadow picture with the same scripture. I am counting two trees now just like Bonnie Jensen. I want to see Him too.

Good old letters and books

Have you written a letter to anyone this April? In the age of social media - twitter, face book and blogging, the manuscript, pen writing method is long forgotten. I recently decided to write a letter out of gratitude to express my thoughts to a fellow doctor who has been with me in moral support and a great cheerleader in life. She is such a nurturing person, that the only thing I find I can provide her in return is my words of thoughts to tell her how much I appreciate and love her and the kindness and compassionate towards helping me. So I set and wrote in between working around long to-do lists to settle some chaotic transition in my life and flick typing on my work laptop at radar speed to record my churn of thoughts before they dissipated in the midst of all clutter.

With Amazon kindle and a conglomerate of smart phones and gadgets that emerged in this new technological era, promoting a wealth of convenience for eBooks and e-articles and online learning and featherweight libraries, books too are considered traditionally outdated. Emails to substitute letters and postcards, photo-slides for photo albums. Everything has virtualized electronically

I still love the hardcover feel and flipping a page in between my fingers. And walking to the library for some good old research amidst shelves of books is still a gratifying experience. There is a surreal feeling of being surrounded by books that gadgets simply cannot substitute, not withstanding gadgets that need to be re-charged and maintained all the time. I like to peer into the shelves and squeal and smile to myself at a book cover in light of a topic that I have found and and I like the feeling of carrying pile of books back in my recycled bag, signifying some satisfaction not derived from any iphone or ipad. Perhaps, the feeling resonate so strongly because I use to read plenty during childhood. I will haul thirteen books all together on each trip to the library and try to maximize lending in all the library cards that I can utilize in my family. I love Hardy boys and Enid blyton and all classical Andersen fairy tales. Nothing beats further than holding my favorite  hardcover books and flipping through the carbon paper pages and snuggling into a corner for a sweet indulgence of story reading. Stories and moments that come to life as you immense in the each letter or book.

While the media is promoting and advocating all the sophiscated, technology benefits to consumers on replacing books and writing electronically, I, personally will like to advocate still, the nostalgia of letter writing and books. It’s a wonderful ritual that will remind you of good moments of spending your time in the real and not virtual world. And it is a wonderful ritual to hold fast that letter and book of yours for a good ride down the memory lane and share them with someone else.

Do you agreed?

"Be happy that your names are written in heaven." - In the Book of Life

Deep dive

 

Have you try deep diving? I have not, in fact I can’t swim. But they said the ocean is beautiful and with thousands of feet under if you have the courage to dive in, it can also be scary. Just like the deep dive I took in life right now, in fact, not the dive that I want to go into, because it is a deep sinking feeling, down and down under. You can’t see any light, neither can you make sense of the next step ahead and your feet are not touching the sea bed but wading through the water. You looked up and know that you are getting away and further away from the tranquil surface of water you are so used to.

How terrifying can it be. Its cold and as you look around you, surprisingly there is movement of life that you can’t grasp. Just today, I met a dear sister in Christ, whom half a year ago while I am in the pit of my life became a wonderful friend and mentor to me, she said, WHEN YOU CAN DIVE, I will dive in with you for a night dive, it’s a wonderful experience. After a desperate hard day, the words fell like rain upon winter. The first read of her message, I could only imagine how comforting it is to have a person to cheer you along life and do deep dive with you when life became no longer a shallow walk but a deeper walk into the waters of the sea as one became a life seeker. And life has been in the past tumultuous and filled with trials and tribulations and present difficulties for me. Situations I have encountered recently has left me frightened.

While walking, she turned and say: Do you know when you dive in, its all dark. And you have to hold the light, the light will just be able to illuminate the next step ahead of you? Her words of encouragement, support and godly counsel as always, have in paradox like the metaphor she described, fell like lamp unto my feet.

I really hope I can do a real deep dive one day.

And no longer a helpless sinking feeling and despair, but a dive of hope, of discovering that there is coral of life around you, little living things that made you feel as you hold the lamp tightly in your hands, the deep sanctuary of His almighty presence and knowing that the water will hold you.

The lamp unto my feet..

This morning, I woke up feeling I have lost my courage. Have you had that feeling sometimes in any situation that you are currently facing?

Courage to live out the present because you don't know what you will expect next but you want to live out life the best you can today. Courage to face life's next challenge, be it financially, own needs or any endeavor you will be undertaking. Courage to make the next decision or right step. Courage to face the next challenge or curveball that life will be throwing at you. It seems like sometimes you are unable to summon up any courage any more as you set by the side of the bed, thinking how to resolve your situation, make the best out of it or wondering what will get by next.

I reached out to the daily calendar next to my bedside and saw on today's page, a scripture verse that reads:

Depend on the Lord, trust him, and he will take care of you.
Psalm 37:5

God is commited to caring for our needs. Paul tells us that a man who won't feed his own family is worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8). How much more will a holy God care for his children like us? After all, how can we fulfill his mission unless our needs are met? How can we teach or minister or influence unless we have our basic needs satisfied? Will God enlist us in his army and not provide a commissionary? Of course not.

Does this verse speaks to you too?