Like Mary

A friend of mine sent this message to my phone :

"Be like Mary, sit at the feet of Jesus".

My dad is recuperating at home after the major surgery of his bile duct.
He is preparing to go for chemotherapy treatments in the next six months.

During this time of storm for my family, when our faith is tried again and we are thrown into a state of doubt and fear and as I struggled to make sense of His direction for me, I was reminded to be still. I must say this is the most difficult scripture to follow at this moment.

My mind cannot be still. My body is struggling of fatigue. There are a thousand and one things racing through my mind. Work, future, caregiving, dreams, goals, plans. I couldnt bridge them all together now. Its like a complete jigsaw puzzle jumbled up for you to reassemble again.  I have ran out of strength. On sunday, I felt I have come to the end of myself. I was totally discouraged. I was not motivated to do anything and yes I was and am depressed.

Lots of what if came into my mind. What if I can't make it. Trust Jesus to save. What if its not the outcome we wanted. Trust Jesus to provide. Most and every turn is a negative answer or a negative outcome - "well, someone so and so close by pass away." " My father in law just passed away three months ago from lymphoma., My grandma passed away from cancer, too old for operations." I stopped talking, I stopped seeking people.

For few days, as I slept through of fatigue, nothing but picking myself up for a meal a day. I thought of Jesus.
I thought of His grace. His being. His purpose.

Every call to my dad, I called up with a sentence of Hallelujah, that is his favorite word now. Thats is our secret message code now. It is also a means to encourage him. He say Jesus will save Him. My dad has so much faith despite only receiving his salvation a week ago. But I am crumbling under the pain of watching him endured surgeries, endured chemotherapy. He had to comfort me instead. He was able to walk around feebly to take care of his own meals. He has learned to cook some health meals now.
Awhile ago, he updated that he brought a shoulder bag so that he can carry his medical documents to and fro from the National cancer center.

I blinked tears each time I called. So close that I can hear his tired breathing, so closed that I can hear his heart beat. Yet I am not strong enough to face him too often, because looking at him just break my heart to bits.

We pray God for preservation of his life. For his angels surrounding us during this healing process.
We pray for providence, peace and calmness during this period of the time.
We pray for strength, help and his miracles everyday and grace abounds and blessing for the family.

We are secure in Christ Jesus. And we will keep on keeping on.

Violence against Women

I am looking forward the upcoming Roundtable discussion on Violence against Women to be held today
at AWARE http://www.aware.org.sg/ and eagerly keen to understand some of the contents and outcome of the survey findings. This is my first time participating in the discussion.

Why I have not been writing lately

Well, after the series of Faith articles, on April 2 - my dad was suddenly diagnosed with a cancerous tumour growth in his liver and bile.

When the news was announced, it was as if the whole world has stopped. And then everything fall into with a series and waves of panic, appointments, consoling my dad at the unexpected news. Phones calls, encouraging my mom and arranging my dad for admission to the hospital for treatment - frenzy of activities ensue with finances, paperwork, decisions and appointments to sort out.

The rest of the days - he went through two minor operations and 1 major operation to remove the tumour and part of his liver.

Throughout this time, I juggled work, hospital visits, appointments, anxious long wait outside the operations theatre where the operations extended longer than usual. After which the relief came when he was transferred the high dependency ward. Prayed that he has a speedy recovery.

On saturday after the operations, I must have been too tired after intense of three weeks. That I broke down in tears when I reached home. Thankfully Sister Siow Ing, was around to call and we chatted. Throughout the ordeal, churches and friends lend encouragement and prayer support.

And through this time and now - I am learning to lean on God. I reminded myself to stay focus, to breathe, to let go. I was reminded to patiently wait and trust His healing for my dad. I was reminded again to trust in the Lord.  I wanted to share that my dad has received His salvation too.

I am now trusting in His timing.
Relying on His promises
Waiting for His answers
Believing in His miracles
Still praising His goodness

Thank you for a prayer offered for me and my dad. God loves you.

John 11:25 - Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life.