In the middle of a pause

Midweek is always the busiest when things get a start on Monday. Interruptions and distractions tend to cause delay even with some planning ahead. I often was watchful and reminded myself to take a pause from the chain of work tasks, personal assignments and to-dos for a step back to see if I can streamline my schedule better.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with the deadlines and committments and wonder if the use of my time to deliver the decisions I made daily are indeed producing any fruits of labour. Is it leading me to the results I want? Already as it is, decision making can be difficult amidst all the complexities and often, it takes lots of PRAYER.

Today I took another pause again and placed aside all the work from my table and picked up Elisabeth Elliot's book - Keeping a quiet heart. In the article "Spiritual oppression" (its intriguing she titled the article as this but later I realised why so). She commented as a missionary, writer, speaker and author of several books that she often feel overwhelmed by work that need to be done and the utter inadequacy to cope. She chanced upon a letter written to her late father, who was an editor of Sunday Times school on the verge of a nervous breakdown and consoled by this old veteran counsel in the letter to him :" I feel that you must count it all joy that you are passing through this phase of difficulty, for they are sure signs that God is blessing you. "

How does Elisabeth Elliot interpret it to her circumstances? Here is an excerpt of what she wrote: "Wasnt it a wonder that this letter has been preserved so that I chanced upon it during the hour of my need? That it is so like the Lord, for it is through the tender austerity of our very troubles that the son of the man comes knocking. In every event, He seeks an entrance to my heart. Yes, even in my most helpless, futile, fruitless moments. The very cracks and empty crannies of my life, my perplexities and hurts and botched up jobs, He wants to fill with Himself, His joy, His life. The more unsatisfactory my performance, the more He calls me to share His yoke. "

I sense God entering into my heart the moment I read this. Yes indeed in trying to keep up with daily expectations, I feel overwhelmed by the burden and commitments. Sometimes fear will creep in and joy dissipated in the anxious effort to keep up the results I desire. Sometimes, even the thought of whether the decisions are in line of God's will can perplex us.

Ain't such an opposition that we faced spiritually most of the time ? I was alert that I ought to look up to Him rather than looking at my sacrifices and toil. I feel the need not to push myself beyond what I can take, my limits and my constraints. But to STOP and TAKE A PAUSE to honor the work that I am doing. I have measured myself too rigidly against the set of rules and expectations that I ought to be, which in paradox sent me crumbling by my own standards. The gripping of the flesh is so powerful that we cannot allow ourselves to let go of "I should". I began now to read more into the article title. I realise the spiritual opposition that I am facing. And often we collapsed under fatigue, disappointment and guilt that we are such utter failures in keeping up. And we were reminded not to moan or complained, the increasing guilt threw us further down the mudslide.

This is not God's intention for us. Letting go is the key. Letting go and leaning on God rathar than relying ourselves and surrendering ourselves everyday to Him , as we patiently trust Him and pray for His help to take us through the daily decisions and work and through the unknowns of the future. In such circumstances, I have to lay everything before Him faithfully and let Him lead me across.

In the middle of the pause, God brought on this revelation to me. Can we pause too, for a little more while as you, my dear readers read this. That in the light of everything, we pray that

"Help us Lord, to know you better and help us keep our focus on you."

Gratitude List

I suppose everyone come across this subject in any book or reading about it in one way or another.

Have you ever tried writing your gratitude list every day? And I mean in discipline, setting aside some minutes every day to write the list. Beside positive things, you can write about your emotions and feelings and frustration so that they’ll not be accumulated up and get all stuffed inside. Trust me, it helps. Write them down and you’ll feel lighter for the day. Here's mine for today:

Dear God, I am thankful that

1. I have a good walk to the train station today although I know that it will be a heavy work day and I feel stressful but I know that the day will end well.

2. I decided to have a short Sabbath evening tomorrow. I have a busy work schedule and classes three times at night and church and my exercise workout on Sunday. My flesh tells me I don’t think I can get through the week! But I am on my way to Wednesday now. This Gratitude list really helps.

3. I have a better sleep yesterday night, no more recurring dreams! Thanks, Lord!

4. I should be able to stay up tonight to finish on reading Book 2 from my class. And review the September exams paper. I have conquered 6 papers for now!

5. I am looking forward to meeting Aunty Nancy in the upcoming seminar on Saturday morning. She is such an inspiring figure, having done missionaries and led in high positions in the social service sector. The workshop is about Called to Do Good Work: A Vision for Vocational Holiness by Dr. Gordon T. Smith.

6. I have a significant responsibility at work to push the 13 APJ countries to keep their certifications in compliance for an upcoming CSAT review. It is quite a tedious project. But each day as I know I will deliver and have done my best, God will do the rest.

7. Today as I am crossing the road, hurrying towards lunch. I saw a simply adorable baby and smiled at him. He returned the most shy, smiley back and made my day!

These are just some of the points I have jotted down during the day and I intend to do that for the rest of 2012 as a Gratitude Project. Try it, you will be surprised of the quiet joy it brings.

FOAME

He is a seal pup. Foame is his name. Most seals have large, round eyes but foame was borned out of the norm with small eyes. There is always this look of sadness in his eyes perhaps because how his eyelids are droopy but he is a cheery pup. He barks like a a real pup when he got bullied by most of his sea mates over the catch of the day . Dory, mackerel, sardines are his favorites and he hates shrimps but occasionally when he finds shellfish, he will try to share that with his mom whom he adores. He'll roll them up the shore with his front flippers, and tucked them neatly away in a tiny reservoir made out of pool of stones. Also his secret hiding place when he gets tired of swimming and meeting strangers from the sea.

Foame was adopted since young when his mum passed away. Rame found his shrivelling and trembling body by the cliff and feed and nurse him for six months now. Unknown to Rame, foame has a keen of curiosity for all everything under the sun and does give her some trouble answering his questions all day. However his curiousity gives him plenty time of play and fun and adventures and Rame is careful to watch that he does not get himself into trouble each time. The last time, he was so curious to trace Liny, the crab's secret play shed that he tried to flipper himself sideways like how Liny did. He got  stung twice and his howl echoed and ripple across the tropical water. Bernie and his flock of friends gathered to laugh at him as he ran to his mum for refuge.

He hates Bernie and his friends but Rame is trying to teach him to love others. 'You have got to love others, Foame. You cant be avoiding others that you dont like and hide in the pool all the time, barking and growling at them each time you see them, its rude'. 'But mommy, ' replied Rame, 'they are always teasing me that I am not your son but you are really my mommy. They always laugh at my short flippers.  They made me so angry. Anggrry, angry. And they can laugh at me and flap and catch fishes at the same time. How can theyy..?? I am not going to  trust them and made them my friends. Like I trust liny and love you. I don't like to love people I don't trust.' Foame frowned and walk away.

Rame is hoping that one day she is able to tell Foame that she is not his real mom after all. But it is hard.

 'He will be really disappointed if one day he realised the truth. What should I do?', thought Rame as she stares out at the horizon.

The sun is beginning to set and the tide has beginning to calm down. Across the shore, others are gathering up their small ones homewards. In the backdrop, she could hear Liny crooning a lullaby to her babies and decided to look for Foame.

'It's only the beginning,' she sighed.

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And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven.