Feelings

Read this book by Richard Rohr :
The gift of Contemplative Prayers Everything Belongs

I attended the first of a 4 days workshop on emotional well being & spirituality organized by the St. Andrew Cathedral and left the first session feeling more connected to myself. Often, the world has such a denotion, that feelings ought not to be emphasized too much in our life, as feelings are well, just fleeting ones and do not represent the rational way of looking at things from an objective perspective and definitely is not a basis of decision making or embarking your actions from.

And thats where the peril lies. We bottled up our anger because anger is sinful. We dare not expressed our sadness and gave them little time or attention to release them. Every emotion has to be "get over soonest" , and let go and move forward before you've got dragged down and fall into a depressive stance. Look beyond your feelings. Does such comments sound familiar to you? Therefore, we held back our emotions, we suppressed, we bottled up and force ourselves to move forward so that we will look as though we are back on track with our seemingly normal life, surviving all trials and well - outwardly strong. Just what the society think we should look, don't we? Survivors. Conquerors.

And so, unknowingly, we laid the foundation of a wall made up from cement of  mixed feelings, pain, hurt, cries of frustrations, bitterness and resentment neatly brick together and we see ourselves more recluse ever and isolated from getting in touch with our heart and feelings and not withstanding in relating to others as well. We hit the wall most of the time. We fell into a period of brokenness and see ourselves unable to breakthrough the wall. Years of building up unhealthy emotions and not allowing it to release and feeling them in a deeper way left most of us creating the human wall that we later on, find it hard to chip away ourselves.
And when things get explosive, we seek therapy and counselling and medication.

It'll take a lot of time to unravel the past and slowly getting into touch with your own feelings, asking God to minister to us and help us and giving plenty of forgiveness to people who have hurt you before, it is worth it. Rather than avoiding the whole issue althogether. Although things may not be at the same level of friendship again for example, allowing ourselves to feel deeply during moments we need to, to mourn, to grieve, to overcome the loss, to release the emotions till we feel we are ready to get up and go again is important. Do not be afraid to do it, or be afraid of the world view of being weak or vulnerable. Allow yourself space and time. Care about your feelings, care about how your heart feel and be confident to follow your heart.

You love yourself more than you think.

Hide Thyself by the brook

I wrote this in my quiet time at the end of a day when I am totally exhausted. I hope to share with you lovely readers.

Hide thyself by the brook
As I sat by the brook, under the tree of life deeply root,
Abiding by the living waters of God that keep the falling maple leaves afloat
I listen to the glistening water bubbling in the brook
My eyes on the word flowing from His book..

The thoughts of Him so close fills me to the brim
The wonderful life around the corner I am sure He will bring,
God the almighty, His power majesty, of here He reigns
His grace and his strength no one could ever replace
Then I heard His gentle whisper,
Be still my child, be still
Be not afraid nor anxious but be still,
Come to me and listen to me and rest in me
For there are no other Savior
Who will come to you apart from me

You are not alone for I am with you through the meanders of life
Just like this brook that dries but steadily flow, and
To the next winding bank upon me you will travel
So be not afraid nor anxious but be still
I love you and love you always
With you with you will I go.

Evan C. @copyright

Specks of memories

whenever someone I know is leaving the country to go elsewhere, I feel like some remnants of me is missing because mutual understanding has built without even having each other speaks. Sometimes I will delve into imagining what life is out there waiting for them. It is always for the better that I can think of, something wonderful and adventures around the corner waiting for them. However, this desire is something I couldn't imagine for myself at the moment or with the possibility of mind that it will happen to me.

And so, they left with memories behind, specks of memories and images and words from the conversations that we have enjoyed still linger, making my heart yearned even for more of their presence now. If they will be gone. Every part of doing things together, having and sharing simple conversation with imagination that never limits ; and meals and encouragements during watershed moments just kept swarming by like fleeting specks of dust settling in my eyes.

And I have to keep this part of memories because it is precious and close to me, that I'll can recall whenever things are not going the way, or let them fill up the empty space in my mind when moments get still or little dreary. However reminiscing someone and the words spoken, do bring an aching feeling somewhat, that sometimes I am caught in a dilemma to retaining these memories. On the contrary, it is always gratifying.

i thought I'll missed them. i thought I'll look forward to meeting them next time if they're back and feel the happiness of reconnecting with them again. Distance and time will make a difference in the medium of communication, only God can be the bridge across the open sea.

This article is written for my dear Godmommy.