Tuesday, November 26, 2013
In between
Have you ever struggle to leave in the present from where you are now and moving towards the direction from where you want to be? Often, I get really impatient. And as the days flew, I woke up someday thinking, what can I do better? What more can I do? After my dad went through the life and death surgery, it began to dawn on me even more that time is precious. The clock ticks and next thing you know, its Friday. And then another Monday starts. I have limited my time for leisure. My brain is ticking, thinking. Directions, next thing to do, reflection of the day, the list goes. These created tension. Not at all the life I want to lead nor enjoy. I couldn't surrender my day. As Joyce Meyer always emphasize - Enjoy where you are to where you are going. It definitely not easy as I need to unlearn the current vicious cycle of doing to keep still with God with a sense of discernment. I am not sure I am on the right path yet but I do begin to become more positive , to spend my time more fruitfully and not become too emotional or dwelling on negative stuff. Its alot more I describe like fighting. I fight to resist those thoughts and try to regain the joy. I also go into prayers and gratitude more. I try to end the day reflection - what blessings I received each day. Blessing in tiny things. Simply,someone give you a praise, or come over for a casual chat. An offer of tea or piece of chocolate. A smile from someone on the street. A sale person that serves you pleasantly. An encouragement from sermons I listen online. A bible scripture that brings some sprinkle of joy. Provision for the family. I still have a habit of controlling, which I guess it results from the Lack in the past. So I hope to trust God more and let go what I have to, got to, and others' have to, got to. And I should learn to love myself more too. So get over to Robbie Leonard site and hear his thoughts on http://robbieleonard.com/ on his own version of the in between. Love
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Sharing inspiration
I'll like to share the following post from Yvonne Foong which she has posted it in her facebook post.
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart." - Helen Keller.
I read these words of Helen Keller several years ago, but it never sounded as profound as when I read them again today. Finally, I can fully relate with Helen Keller, by my own real life experiences, and not just by the fact that I am deaf and half blind myself.
W...hen I became completely deaf eight years ago in 2005, I was set for a major test to see if my heart could grow further or otherwise. I had to accept my sudden deafness, make peace with my condition, adapt to a life of silence, develop new self-esteem in being a hearing impaired individual, stop dwelling on what-it-could-have-been and focus on what I can become, forgive and empathize with those who do not understand my physical condition, have patience to educate people, learn to perceive situations, people, movies, songs and the environemt using my other senses, continue to cultivate a heart of loving kindness despite my difficulties, and maintain an open heart no matter what oppositions I face.
I am happy to say that I have passed the test. Today, my heart is perceptive. I can pick up information without first hearing or reading them. People can feel my heart’s essence – which is also reflected in my aura - just by reading my words, hearing my speeches or being in my presence. I can be of comfort to others simply by being present. Deafness also helped me in cultivating a heart of stillness. By cultivating a still and open heart, I touch the hearts of people by our first meeting even if they do not know anything about me. They can sense that I am different.
Would I trade this heart cultivation for the ability to physically hear again?
Likely not.
Challenges and crisis such as a sudden permanent disability are your opportunities for growth. You can either rise or descend. It’s your choice.
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart." - Helen Keller.
I read these words of Helen Keller several years ago, but it never sounded as profound as when I read them again today. Finally, I can fully relate with Helen Keller, by my own real life experiences, and not just by the fact that I am deaf and half blind myself.
W...hen I became completely deaf eight years ago in 2005, I was set for a major test to see if my heart could grow further or otherwise. I had to accept my sudden deafness, make peace with my condition, adapt to a life of silence, develop new self-esteem in being a hearing impaired individual, stop dwelling on what-it-could-have-been and focus on what I can become, forgive and empathize with those who do not understand my physical condition, have patience to educate people, learn to perceive situations, people, movies, songs and the environemt using my other senses, continue to cultivate a heart of loving kindness despite my difficulties, and maintain an open heart no matter what oppositions I face.
I am happy to say that I have passed the test. Today, my heart is perceptive. I can pick up information without first hearing or reading them. People can feel my heart’s essence – which is also reflected in my aura - just by reading my words, hearing my speeches or being in my presence. I can be of comfort to others simply by being present. Deafness also helped me in cultivating a heart of stillness. By cultivating a still and open heart, I touch the hearts of people by our first meeting even if they do not know anything about me. They can sense that I am different.
Would I trade this heart cultivation for the ability to physically hear again?
Likely not.
Challenges and crisis such as a sudden permanent disability are your opportunities for growth. You can either rise or descend. It’s your choice.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Healing the inner child - it is more than just nurturing
In fact Inner Child therapy, encompasses more than that. There is not a lot of organizations in-country that child abuse victims can reach out to. When I do a search, in US, Penny Parks offer resolution through inner child therapy http://www.ppfoundation.org/.
This includes whole lot of practitioners approach to help the victims walked through the suppressed emotions and pain and hurt of the wounded inner child and getting through healing process. Alot of people usually advise to forgive and forget and even in christianity, to use the scripture as to not dwell on the past.Which is on the contrary not helpful to the victims. Therapy include walking through and reliving painful memories and facing it and letting the hidden emotions that has been hidden unconsciously to emerge. And often require a practitioner or therapist to work with the victim if the victim is unable or not mentally able to do so. Shame and toxic guilt , feeling of engulfment and low grade depression, extreme to nothing at all thoughts and feeling being overwhelmed, losing her true identity are part of the symptons affecting the victim in adult years. Neglect from parents to help the children. etc. even when children ask for help. The victims grow up to be an adult child.
This is an interesting finding and not a lot of books are dedicated to addressing this subject of inner child therapy and I hope to shade some light on the process.
We also need to allow the victim the channel to express the anguish, and hurt and know that the blame should be on the aggressor , and not the victim herself. Often than not, the victim carried a sense of toxic shame and guilt in his/life that he/she is the person who allow the situation to happen which in actual fact, the child is defenceless, vulnerable and helpless.
This is a good extract from a website:
Inner Child Healing = a path to freedom, serenity, and empowerment - an index of web pages
"It is through healing our inner child, our inner children, by grieving the wounds that we suffered, that we can change our behavior patterns and clear our emotional process. We can release the grief with its pent-up rage, shame, terror, and pain from those feeling places which exist within us."
"Because of our broken hearts, our emotional wounds, and our scrambled minds, our subconscious programming, what the disease of Codependence causes us to do is abandon ourselves. It causes the abandonment of self, the abandonment of our own inner child - and that inner child is the gateway to our channel to the Higher Self.
"We need to rescue and nurture and Love our inner children
"It is necessary to own and honor the child who we were in order to Love the person we are. And the only way to do that is to own that child's experiences, honor that child's feelings, and release the emotional grief energy that we are still carrying around."
This includes whole lot of practitioners approach to help the victims walked through the suppressed emotions and pain and hurt of the wounded inner child and getting through healing process. Alot of people usually advise to forgive and forget and even in christianity, to use the scripture as to not dwell on the past.Which is on the contrary not helpful to the victims. Therapy include walking through and reliving painful memories and facing it and letting the hidden emotions that has been hidden unconsciously to emerge. And often require a practitioner or therapist to work with the victim if the victim is unable or not mentally able to do so. Shame and toxic guilt , feeling of engulfment and low grade depression, extreme to nothing at all thoughts and feeling being overwhelmed, losing her true identity are part of the symptons affecting the victim in adult years. Neglect from parents to help the children. etc. even when children ask for help. The victims grow up to be an adult child.
This is an interesting finding and not a lot of books are dedicated to addressing this subject of inner child therapy and I hope to shade some light on the process.
We also need to allow the victim the channel to express the anguish, and hurt and know that the blame should be on the aggressor , and not the victim herself. Often than not, the victim carried a sense of toxic shame and guilt in his/life that he/she is the person who allow the situation to happen which in actual fact, the child is defenceless, vulnerable and helpless.
This is a good extract from a website:
Inner Child Healing = a path to freedom, serenity, and empowerment - an index of web pages
"It is through healing our inner child, our inner children, by grieving the wounds that we suffered, that we can change our behavior patterns and clear our emotional process. We can release the grief with its pent-up rage, shame, terror, and pain from those feeling places which exist within us."
"Because of our broken hearts, our emotional wounds, and our scrambled minds, our subconscious programming, what the disease of Codependence causes us to do is abandon ourselves. It causes the abandonment of self, the abandonment of our own inner child - and that inner child is the gateway to our channel to the Higher Self.
"We need to rescue and nurture and Love our inner children
"It is necessary to own and honor the child who we were in order to Love the person we are. And the only way to do that is to own that child's experiences, honor that child's feelings, and release the emotional grief energy that we are still carrying around."
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Look up
I got in touch with a friend of mine briefly over few messages and am glad to hear that her broken marriage is mended recently. The whole family celebrated Mother's day together. I believe she is on top of her world now after few years in unhappiness.
We talked about looking up. Her favorite verse.
She knew that my dad is recuperating and going through treatment and the times we are going through right now.
She said:" Look up at the skies when you are down. When you see the skies you feel small. At night when you see the moon and other brighter planets, you feel even smaller in the midst of the universe. You just have to close your eyes sometimes and start to imagine you are there."
I will try it tonight.
Tonight, I will look up and share with you what I can see through my mind.
We talked about looking up. Her favorite verse.
She knew that my dad is recuperating and going through treatment and the times we are going through right now.
She said:" Look up at the skies when you are down. When you see the skies you feel small. At night when you see the moon and other brighter planets, you feel even smaller in the midst of the universe. You just have to close your eyes sometimes and start to imagine you are there."
I will try it tonight.
Tonight, I will look up and share with you what I can see through my mind.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Like Mary
A friend of mine sent this message to my phone :
"Be like Mary, sit at the feet of Jesus".
My dad is recuperating at home after the major surgery of his bile duct.
He is preparing to go for chemotherapy treatments in the next six months.
During this time of storm for my family, when our faith is tried again and we are thrown into a state of doubt and fear and as I struggled to make sense of His direction for me, I was reminded to be still. I must say this is the most difficult scripture to follow at this moment.
My mind cannot be still. My body is struggling of fatigue. There are a thousand and one things racing through my mind. Work, future, caregiving, dreams, goals, plans. I couldnt bridge them all together now. Its like a complete jigsaw puzzle jumbled up for you to reassemble again. I have ran out of strength. On sunday, I felt I have come to the end of myself. I was totally discouraged. I was not motivated to do anything and yes I was and am depressed.
Lots of what if came into my mind. What if I can't make it. Trust Jesus to save. What if its not the outcome we wanted. Trust Jesus to provide. Most and every turn is a negative answer or a negative outcome - "well, someone so and so close by pass away." " My father in law just passed away three months ago from lymphoma., My grandma passed away from cancer, too old for operations." I stopped talking, I stopped seeking people.
For few days, as I slept through of fatigue, nothing but picking myself up for a meal a day. I thought of Jesus.
I thought of His grace. His being. His purpose.
Every call to my dad, I called up with a sentence of Hallelujah, that is his favorite word now. Thats is our secret message code now. It is also a means to encourage him. He say Jesus will save Him. My dad has so much faith despite only receiving his salvation a week ago. But I am crumbling under the pain of watching him endured surgeries, endured chemotherapy. He had to comfort me instead. He was able to walk around feebly to take care of his own meals. He has learned to cook some health meals now.
Awhile ago, he updated that he brought a shoulder bag so that he can carry his medical documents to and fro from the National cancer center.
I blinked tears each time I called. So close that I can hear his tired breathing, so closed that I can hear his heart beat. Yet I am not strong enough to face him too often, because looking at him just break my heart to bits.
We pray God for preservation of his life. For his angels surrounding us during this healing process.
We pray for providence, peace and calmness during this period of the time.
We pray for strength, help and his miracles everyday and grace abounds and blessing for the family.
We are secure in Christ Jesus. And we will keep on keeping on.
"Be like Mary, sit at the feet of Jesus".
My dad is recuperating at home after the major surgery of his bile duct.
He is preparing to go for chemotherapy treatments in the next six months.
During this time of storm for my family, when our faith is tried again and we are thrown into a state of doubt and fear and as I struggled to make sense of His direction for me, I was reminded to be still. I must say this is the most difficult scripture to follow at this moment.
My mind cannot be still. My body is struggling of fatigue. There are a thousand and one things racing through my mind. Work, future, caregiving, dreams, goals, plans. I couldnt bridge them all together now. Its like a complete jigsaw puzzle jumbled up for you to reassemble again. I have ran out of strength. On sunday, I felt I have come to the end of myself. I was totally discouraged. I was not motivated to do anything and yes I was and am depressed.
Lots of what if came into my mind. What if I can't make it. Trust Jesus to save. What if its not the outcome we wanted. Trust Jesus to provide. Most and every turn is a negative answer or a negative outcome - "well, someone so and so close by pass away." " My father in law just passed away three months ago from lymphoma., My grandma passed away from cancer, too old for operations." I stopped talking, I stopped seeking people.
For few days, as I slept through of fatigue, nothing but picking myself up for a meal a day. I thought of Jesus.
I thought of His grace. His being. His purpose.
Every call to my dad, I called up with a sentence of Hallelujah, that is his favorite word now. Thats is our secret message code now. It is also a means to encourage him. He say Jesus will save Him. My dad has so much faith despite only receiving his salvation a week ago. But I am crumbling under the pain of watching him endured surgeries, endured chemotherapy. He had to comfort me instead. He was able to walk around feebly to take care of his own meals. He has learned to cook some health meals now.
Awhile ago, he updated that he brought a shoulder bag so that he can carry his medical documents to and fro from the National cancer center.
I blinked tears each time I called. So close that I can hear his tired breathing, so closed that I can hear his heart beat. Yet I am not strong enough to face him too often, because looking at him just break my heart to bits.
We pray God for preservation of his life. For his angels surrounding us during this healing process.
We pray for providence, peace and calmness during this period of the time.
We pray for strength, help and his miracles everyday and grace abounds and blessing for the family.
We are secure in Christ Jesus. And we will keep on keeping on.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Violence against Women
I am looking forward the upcoming Roundtable discussion on Violence against Women to be held today
at AWARE http://www.aware.org.sg/ and eagerly keen to understand some of the contents and outcome of the survey findings. This is my first time participating in the discussion.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Why I have not been writing lately
Well, after the series of Faith articles, on April 2 - my dad was suddenly diagnosed with a cancerous tumour growth in his liver and bile.
When the news was announced, it was as if the whole world has stopped. And then everything fall into with a series and waves of panic, appointments, consoling my dad at the unexpected news. Phones calls, encouraging my mom and arranging my dad for admission to the hospital for treatment - frenzy of activities ensue with finances, paperwork, decisions and appointments to sort out.
The rest of the days - he went through two minor operations and 1 major operation to remove the tumour and part of his liver.
Throughout this time, I juggled work, hospital visits, appointments, anxious long wait outside the operations theatre where the operations extended longer than usual. After which the relief came when he was transferred the high dependency ward. Prayed that he has a speedy recovery.
On saturday after the operations, I must have been too tired after intense of three weeks. That I broke down in tears when I reached home. Thankfully Sister Siow Ing, was around to call and we chatted. Throughout the ordeal, churches and friends lend encouragement and prayer support.
And through this time and now - I am learning to lean on God. I reminded myself to stay focus, to breathe, to let go. I was reminded to patiently wait and trust His healing for my dad. I was reminded again to trust in the Lord. I wanted to share that my dad has received His salvation too.
I am now trusting in His timing.
Relying on His promises
Waiting for His answers
Believing in His miracles
Still praising His goodness
Thank you for a prayer offered for me and my dad. God loves you.
John 11:25 - Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life.
When the news was announced, it was as if the whole world has stopped. And then everything fall into with a series and waves of panic, appointments, consoling my dad at the unexpected news. Phones calls, encouraging my mom and arranging my dad for admission to the hospital for treatment - frenzy of activities ensue with finances, paperwork, decisions and appointments to sort out.
The rest of the days - he went through two minor operations and 1 major operation to remove the tumour and part of his liver.
Throughout this time, I juggled work, hospital visits, appointments, anxious long wait outside the operations theatre where the operations extended longer than usual. After which the relief came when he was transferred the high dependency ward. Prayed that he has a speedy recovery.
On saturday after the operations, I must have been too tired after intense of three weeks. That I broke down in tears when I reached home. Thankfully Sister Siow Ing, was around to call and we chatted. Throughout the ordeal, churches and friends lend encouragement and prayer support.
And through this time and now - I am learning to lean on God. I reminded myself to stay focus, to breathe, to let go. I was reminded to patiently wait and trust His healing for my dad. I was reminded again to trust in the Lord. I wanted to share that my dad has received His salvation too.
I am now trusting in His timing.
Relying on His promises
Waiting for His answers
Believing in His miracles
Still praising His goodness
Thank you for a prayer offered for me and my dad. God loves you.
John 11:25 - Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life.
Monday, February 18, 2013
Faith Series - there is no condemnation in Christ
Guilt. Shame.
I never know how much these two little rascals can bring so much destruction into one's life. But it surely does.
I grew up with a fairly happy childhood, a girl who loves activities, anything related to arts or team activities - sports, choir, and class events. However, when I was a child, I went through two child abuse cases well, not two but several ongoing events of living with child abuse. I never knew that such encounters have such an impact into my adulthood.
My life was filled with guilt and shame that I never knew I carry since I was more angry at the people who inflicted the suffering and pain. I felt the helplessness of a victim that later have many repercussions into my life. I was easily anxious, easily fearful, easily depressed. And I went through tons of psychotherapy to help me. Now that I am in my thirties, my last therapy session was just last year.
I am often ashamed of myself, my self esteem is like a wisp of clouds. One moment, I am sure I am confidence of being myself, another moment, I feel the confidence just flitters out of my life. The life I used to live is always a roller coaster, emotional draining journey especially when I got into any life struggles.
A breakup in relationship that last for 15 years, further accentuated the mental struggles I have to live with.
My self esteem plummets. I was angry, sad, utterly disappointed with life and people. I couldn't fathom living on but God came into my life. There are many times in life, I was so drained out, so weary that I feel I couldnt in such agonizing situations.
I was living in self blame, guilt and condemnation so much so that I feel my life has come to a stall.
And that there is no way that I can turn back and change any of the circumstances and that I will have to bear with the burden of the onset of other people's actions. I was totally devastated. I was looking at my flaws and shortfalls.
But when God came into my life, He has showed me that
1) No matter how beaten up, broken up I was in my heart and body as a girl , later in my adulthood - That I am always God's precious Child. There is no condemnation in Christ.
2) He has guided my heart into forgiveness and letting go.
3) He has shown me His purpose for me
4) He has developed in me a strong sense of righteousness for the oppressed and needy
5) He has showed me that my body is the temple of Holy spirit that I should honor and not be ashamed of.
6) He has showed me that He has given us the power, self discipline and love and not of timidity.
7) He has showed me gratitude in all things and sufferings that endurance will produce character and character - hope.
8) He has showed me how precious I was and how He has unconditionally love me so I should stop the afflictions on myself.
9) When He sent His son, Jesus to die for us, his head pointing towards heaven, his feet to the earth, his arms wide embrace - how deep and wide His love is for us.
10) He has showed me that I no longer lived under the mercy of others, the wicked but by His grace.
11) He has showed me His judgement on wicked acts and the short-lived acts of disobedience.
12) He has showed me self responsibility, and empowerment along the years.
10) And He has showed me what need to be built and what need to be pulled down.
11) He has showed me that I am no longer a victim in life but more than a conqueror.
11) And Samuel's ear to listen to His instructions and be quick to obey.
12) He has showed me that He is loving, meek and gentle and lowly. He is our Abba Father.
13) He has showed me into an intimate relationship with Him, my hand on His right hand.
14) He has continued to envelope me with his blessings, whispers, and goodness of life.
Life has made a turn for the better in 2013. The last two years, I was isolated and introverted. But slowly I am stepping back into the community. I am making friends, learning to do what I 'll enjoy doing, living with no guilt, shame and less anger and fear than before. My heart is more peaceful.
My confidence and faith has recovered somewhat but still more innerwork need to be done. There are still days where I shrunk back but like Yvonne Foong used to say and remind me "I need to press on with more diligent and determination. "
I thank God for His leading and guiding and His "never forsaking me" presence. I thank Him for sending people along the way to help me and pointing me in the right direction and healing.
I never know how much these two little rascals can bring so much destruction into one's life. But it surely does.
I grew up with a fairly happy childhood, a girl who loves activities, anything related to arts or team activities - sports, choir, and class events. However, when I was a child, I went through two child abuse cases well, not two but several ongoing events of living with child abuse. I never knew that such encounters have such an impact into my adulthood.
My life was filled with guilt and shame that I never knew I carry since I was more angry at the people who inflicted the suffering and pain. I felt the helplessness of a victim that later have many repercussions into my life. I was easily anxious, easily fearful, easily depressed. And I went through tons of psychotherapy to help me. Now that I am in my thirties, my last therapy session was just last year.
I am often ashamed of myself, my self esteem is like a wisp of clouds. One moment, I am sure I am confidence of being myself, another moment, I feel the confidence just flitters out of my life. The life I used to live is always a roller coaster, emotional draining journey especially when I got into any life struggles.
A breakup in relationship that last for 15 years, further accentuated the mental struggles I have to live with.
My self esteem plummets. I was angry, sad, utterly disappointed with life and people. I couldn't fathom living on but God came into my life. There are many times in life, I was so drained out, so weary that I feel I couldnt in such agonizing situations.
I was living in self blame, guilt and condemnation so much so that I feel my life has come to a stall.
And that there is no way that I can turn back and change any of the circumstances and that I will have to bear with the burden of the onset of other people's actions. I was totally devastated. I was looking at my flaws and shortfalls.
But when God came into my life, He has showed me that
1) No matter how beaten up, broken up I was in my heart and body as a girl , later in my adulthood - That I am always God's precious Child. There is no condemnation in Christ.
2) He has guided my heart into forgiveness and letting go.
3) He has shown me His purpose for me
4) He has developed in me a strong sense of righteousness for the oppressed and needy
5) He has showed me that my body is the temple of Holy spirit that I should honor and not be ashamed of.
6) He has showed me that He has given us the power, self discipline and love and not of timidity.
7) He has showed me gratitude in all things and sufferings that endurance will produce character and character - hope.
8) He has showed me how precious I was and how He has unconditionally love me so I should stop the afflictions on myself.
9) When He sent His son, Jesus to die for us, his head pointing towards heaven, his feet to the earth, his arms wide embrace - how deep and wide His love is for us.
10) He has showed me that I no longer lived under the mercy of others, the wicked but by His grace.
11) He has showed me His judgement on wicked acts and the short-lived acts of disobedience.
12) He has showed me self responsibility, and empowerment along the years.
10) And He has showed me what need to be built and what need to be pulled down.
11) He has showed me that I am no longer a victim in life but more than a conqueror.
11) And Samuel's ear to listen to His instructions and be quick to obey.
12) He has showed me that He is loving, meek and gentle and lowly. He is our Abba Father.
13) He has showed me into an intimate relationship with Him, my hand on His right hand.
14) He has continued to envelope me with his blessings, whispers, and goodness of life.
Life has made a turn for the better in 2013. The last two years, I was isolated and introverted. But slowly I am stepping back into the community. I am making friends, learning to do what I 'll enjoy doing, living with no guilt, shame and less anger and fear than before. My heart is more peaceful.
My confidence and faith has recovered somewhat but still more innerwork need to be done. There are still days where I shrunk back but like Yvonne Foong used to say and remind me "I need to press on with more diligent and determination. "
I thank God for His leading and guiding and His "never forsaking me" presence. I thank Him for sending people along the way to help me and pointing me in the right direction and healing.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Faith Series - A contribution from a fellow sister
Quoting from a fellow church member,
"David's greatest piece of armor, the lethal weapon that made him unique and gave him victory, was his inner shield of faith. It kept him free from fear. It made him hard of hearing threats. It gave him cool composure amidst chaos. It cleared his vision , therefore we do not lose heart..for our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweights them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. Jesus is our rock and our refuge. However strong the waves and storms are, we are in good hands, as we focus our eys on Jesus, our Great and Awesome God who is capable of doing wondrous miracles at the most unexpected time and place, just when we think all is lost."
Great one, sister.
"David's greatest piece of armor, the lethal weapon that made him unique and gave him victory, was his inner shield of faith. It kept him free from fear. It made him hard of hearing threats. It gave him cool composure amidst chaos. It cleared his vision , therefore we do not lose heart..for our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweights them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. Jesus is our rock and our refuge. However strong the waves and storms are, we are in good hands, as we focus our eys on Jesus, our Great and Awesome God who is capable of doing wondrous miracles at the most unexpected time and place, just when we think all is lost."
Great one, sister.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Faith Series - Burden
My mum is deaf on one side due to the radiation treatment she went through a couple of years ago due to nose cancer. She survived the advanced stage miraculously.
So each time if she mentioned about unable to hear me over the phone, it will bring me back to the stage when she was unwell. It can be quite painful as it triggers the memories of the ordeal.
Recently she kept talking about unable to hear me over the phone and the emotions and anxiety that overwhelmed me became a burden. I became so obsessed about it. My imagination ran wild, what if and what if??
That night, I sensed a heavy burden like the weight of a huge stone in my heart. I don’t like to hear it or see it and I can’t remove the weight. So under the blanket I dived and pray. I prayed, " God can you remove that burden from me?"
Somehow throughout the conversation, I sense something. And here’s how the conversation goes.
"Jesus. You saw Him and hear Him on the cross, right?"
"Well..ya.."
"Do you love Him? You saw the blood. Do you feel it a burden?
If Jesus is hurt on the Cross, you don’t resist the love you have for Him, right, You don’t feel the burden, do you? Do you cover your eyes and run away and become in denial of the pain that He suffer? You don’t. you love Him even more. You yield to Him even more. You are free to love Him and so much. There is no burden. You are liberated to love. You don't carry His burden. He carry the burden for you and died on the cross for you instead."
So the same applies. When you love your mum so much, there is no burden. All burdens dissipate. His grace in you will enable you so."
Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Faith Series - a resilient life
Dear all Readers,
Happy New year 2013.
Remembered Gordon Macdonald who wrote the book - A resilient life
“It makes little difference how fast you can run the 100 meters when the race is 400 meters long. Life is not a sprint; it is a distance run, and it demands the kind of conditioning that enables people to go the distance.”
—Gordon MacDonald
Running Strong
Whose heart doesn’t leap at the sight of a beautifully conditioned runner, effortlessly gliding along, stride-bystride, mile-by-mile? And what runner gets to this place without a thankless—and often lonely—regimen of strategy and self-denial?
Isn’t this the perfect metaphor of what your heart is longing for—running life’s race with intentionality and grace? With strength and focus?
The above excerpt is taken off the book description.
Do you want to read about a resilient life that will inspire you? Click over to http://www.yvonnefoong.com/. Yvonne Foong's story will inspire you.
She was diagnosed with Neurofibromatosis Type 2 since she was 16 and went through 13 surgeries to date and is still going strong. Despite her adversity, she set up a charitable foundation recently to pledge for RM1 mil before 4 January 2013.
Do contact her if you can lend a hand in the donation. Every little star adds up the universe. And you can be one of the stars.
Thank you.
Happy New year 2013.
Remembered Gordon Macdonald who wrote the book - A resilient life
“It makes little difference how fast you can run the 100 meters when the race is 400 meters long. Life is not a sprint; it is a distance run, and it demands the kind of conditioning that enables people to go the distance.”
—Gordon MacDonald
Running Strong
Whose heart doesn’t leap at the sight of a beautifully conditioned runner, effortlessly gliding along, stride-bystride, mile-by-mile? And what runner gets to this place without a thankless—and often lonely—regimen of strategy and self-denial?
Isn’t this the perfect metaphor of what your heart is longing for—running life’s race with intentionality and grace? With strength and focus?
The above excerpt is taken off the book description.
Do you want to read about a resilient life that will inspire you? Click over to http://www.yvonnefoong.com/. Yvonne Foong's story will inspire you.
She was diagnosed with Neurofibromatosis Type 2 since she was 16 and went through 13 surgeries to date and is still going strong. Despite her adversity, she set up a charitable foundation recently to pledge for RM1 mil before 4 January 2013.
Do contact her if you can lend a hand in the donation. Every little star adds up the universe. And you can be one of the stars.
Thank you.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Faith Series - Celebrate your progress
Have you remember to celebrate your progress?
Gitzengirl’s article http://gitzengirl.blogspot.sg/ reminded me that we should celebrate our progress.
It is when we keep trying and trying and striving over our daily goals, schedules, deadlines and expectations that we need the fuel of celebration to get on with our journey.
Remember to:
. Celebrate your victory everyday over fear and having faith.
. Celebrate when you get through difficult circumstances.
. Celebrate when you have done the right thing God wants you to do despite all the resistance.
. Celebrate God’s love for you during days you feel that you are lonely.
. Celebrate your passion for righteousness when your tears fall for injustice you see.
. Celebrate whenever you have overcome all odds or adversity.
. Celebrate your faith to move in the path in which you have decided without looking back, despite rain or
storm.
. Celebrate your unwavering perseverance to see things in the light of His glory in the midst of worldly views.
. Celebrate the faithfulness of God in seeing you through your struggles.
. Celebrate your determination in refusing to follow the normal.
. Celebrate the courage to be authentic and different.
. Celebrate the dawn of a brand new day.
And Celebrate the special you.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Faith Series - Exemplifying Soul
To have a real life person exemplifying faith in action speaks more than a million words.
Let me introduce you to a fellow blogger and writer Robbie Leonard who started writing in March 2012.
It is my honor that he has answered my request to him to write an article about Faith and here it is:
Thank you Robbie. This is part of his excerpts about himself:
"From the beginning overcoming obstacles has become a part of who I am. It all started with my umbilical cord wrapped around my neck at birth and continued with me being born with DMD (Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy). The twinkle in my eye never went away because that spark of determination grows within my soul every passing day.
Life has tested me through various trials and tribulations, such as transitioning from the walking world to a new path on wheels to using a ventilator. With all I have been through, God gave me the gift of an inner strength to find deeper meaning through all experiences to learn valuable lessons to share with the world. "
Indeed he is a determined soul and an inspiration
Monday, September 3, 2012
Faith Series - Saying No to fear
I have faced countless fears in my life.
I am sure you too. Fear of the unknown. Taking on new challenges, adapting in new places.
Facing condemnation or betrayal from the closest people you have trust. Facing pressure from people who are manipulative or oppressive or even threats. Fear ridden ministers that pressure you for obedience to God etc.
Fear can grab our focus and attention and lived us paralyzed. I have my worst fears - of losing my mother but God has by His grace saved her. I have the worst fear of not able to get out of my depression and thought to getting myself institutionalised.
Most of the time, fear and anxiety are traits that people viewed as a taboo , traits which are considered of weakness or illness by the society. By sharing, the victim fear that it will cause isolation from his/her friends and look at as negative or peculiar. Obviously, I will think that it is so important that we opened up to share our personal moments, in the pit, whether you are journeying out from the rocky path or just grieving and trying to rebuild your life.
It is so important because it is a platform where we can start rebuilding our life again. Most people who suffered and have been through trauma, trials and losses in their life will tend to keep to themselves, become bitter and resentful, or otherwise overtaken by sorrow and grief. There are simply few channels by which they can open up personally and let off their suppressed emotions. And most time, when they rebuild their life, they may run into resistance more than the destruction itself. When things fall apart, it is as if life is walking on a tight rope and a balancing act. One push or shove, we will tend to tremble up and go weak on our knees.
I am starting to rebuild my life from my broken world and looking forward from others like you to share with me how to.
Simple steps. Will you like to share with me your personal victory and how you get over stages of crisis in life. Write to me at tellout.mysoul@gmail.com , and if you grant me the permission, I can post up here as encouragement to others as well.
Read www.yvonnefoong.com . She is a brave girl and I will like to share some of her excerpts:
"There is an advice that Christians like to say to encourage each other out of habit. That is the phrase, "have faith". It is probably of the most over-used phrases of encouragement.
Faith is something that we need to cultivate over time. It doesn't just appear the moment we want it. It is not something that God gives to us on a silver plate, so to speak.
We need to cultivate faith daily. It takes willpower, determination and perseverence for faith to develop and strengthen.
To begin with, you can list five things that you love and are thankful for each day. Let this feeling of love and thankfulness fill your entire being throughout the day. "
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Follow up with Grandma Ho
I am so excited to share this.
I ran into Grandma Ho today. She is getting back to work.
She is seeked out by the supervisor who apologised and by the field management who went and visit her.
She is able to voice out her grievance.
Though I did not share that the call was made. I think I fought like a cat. I am just glad that she has a work to carry on.
Thank you for your prayers!
Read also Robbie Leonard http://robbieleonard.com/about his toughest cat Mickey. Its a lovely narration.
I ran into Grandma Ho today. She is getting back to work.
She is seeked out by the supervisor who apologised and by the field management who went and visit her.
She is able to voice out her grievance.
Though I did not share that the call was made. I think I fought like a cat. I am just glad that she has a work to carry on.
Thank you for your prayers!
Read also Robbie Leonard http://robbieleonard.com/about his toughest cat Mickey. Its a lovely narration.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Grandma Ho
I asked her how I should call her. She says, "call me Ho as that is my last name".
I say I will call her Grandma Ho or Po Po Ho. She is 75 years old. Out of respect.
I ran into her while having my lunch at a vegan stall lately. She always eat there.
I came to know that she works as a cleaning lady. She cleans restrooms - office toilets. She is thin, frail and walk with a hunch but with steady firm steps. Grandma Ho has been washing toilets for ten years.
From 6 am in the morning, she left her house, took a bus and reach the office towers, did her duty and home at 6 pm. Everyday from Monday to Saturday.
Her husband passed away of age and she is childless. Lived in a one room rental flat all by herself.
Her weekdays are time spent on watching TV, chinese and korean dramas. Her weekends are spent on walking around the street and having meals at the coffeeshop.
Recently I ran into her again. And asked her how she is. She said "I quitted my job". Why Grandma Ho?
"Well my supervisor has been unfairly treating me. A day ago i requested for half day to do an errand and I was called back. And after I arrived, instead of apologies, I received a glare and unhappy snap from him."
It happens. I couldn't sleep the whole night out of anger. Sometimes he is fine, sometimes he is just snapping at me. For five years, I have been working and even when I am sick, I came to work. I took only 7 medical leave days out of the five years. "
I sense her devotion to her work. Ten years have become a routine for her. I sense her anguish and her sadness as her eyes went red when she stammered her words. I gave her a hug and offer to bring her to coffee. " I will be fine" she said, " I will live day to day".
Any savings? I probed further. "Little.."
Then she went off. I stood there, startled, surprise, angry. I walked following her but later having to run an errand , I went off to another direction. Not feeling as good, I decided to trace her to find out where she is going. I feel I have more to say to her. More to say to encourage her.
What I saw in the next instance, broke my heart to BITS. I saw her standing alone at the office tower where she works. A tiny figure at a corner, watching the office people throd by. Ladies in powdered make-up, richly dressed with accessories, men in professional suits and ties.
She just stood there. I took a detour from level 2 and went down to level 1.
" Ho Po Po, why are you standing here...??"
" No, I am just waiting to get back to work." Her reply just put me into tears.
" when I quit, I will return this badge and I will keep this pulley." She said in chinese. My eyes turn red.
The badge pulley is so old and tattered but it mean't so much to her.
I gave her a big hug. Got her name , got her number. Ask for who her supervisor is.
I continue to talk with her until she is ready to go back to work. I shared with her that I understand her as I came across such threats and bully in my working life and most time such oppression left us weak and helpless.
After the conversation ended, I pulled out my mobile, grabbed the tower management office number and started pouring out this story. The lady at the reception listened at my rattering away at her plight and I started to hear her voice break. I managed to reach the field manager in person.
I asked that Grandma Ho be reinstated. I asked that the management will give recognition, not bully or manipulation. I asked that mutual respect be given. I asked that they should visit her at the working place - the toilets when she spent her most time of her life working in. I stated her devotion at work. And I ask that this issue be looked into. A devoted worker do not deserve such treatment. In fact, she ought to be given a ten year award.
This is a social issue that stemmed out of a turbulence, modernised world at this. Paradigm shift..moral shift..
The weak cant reach up to the authorities, needless to say someone who has lack of intellect or language capability to speak back or seek help. She is not english literate and little chinese except dialect.
Such oppression act should be stemmed and replaced by righteousness.
Can you help too? Do a bit to stem out any bully or manipulation in any where you witness? It'll all adds up.
Can you pray for Grandma Ho that all be well?
Thank you
I say I will call her Grandma Ho or Po Po Ho. She is 75 years old. Out of respect.
I ran into her while having my lunch at a vegan stall lately. She always eat there.
I came to know that she works as a cleaning lady. She cleans restrooms - office toilets. She is thin, frail and walk with a hunch but with steady firm steps. Grandma Ho has been washing toilets for ten years.
From 6 am in the morning, she left her house, took a bus and reach the office towers, did her duty and home at 6 pm. Everyday from Monday to Saturday.
Her husband passed away of age and she is childless. Lived in a one room rental flat all by herself.
Her weekdays are time spent on watching TV, chinese and korean dramas. Her weekends are spent on walking around the street and having meals at the coffeeshop.
Recently I ran into her again. And asked her how she is. She said "I quitted my job". Why Grandma Ho?
"Well my supervisor has been unfairly treating me. A day ago i requested for half day to do an errand and I was called back. And after I arrived, instead of apologies, I received a glare and unhappy snap from him."
It happens. I couldn't sleep the whole night out of anger. Sometimes he is fine, sometimes he is just snapping at me. For five years, I have been working and even when I am sick, I came to work. I took only 7 medical leave days out of the five years. "
I sense her devotion to her work. Ten years have become a routine for her. I sense her anguish and her sadness as her eyes went red when she stammered her words. I gave her a hug and offer to bring her to coffee. " I will be fine" she said, " I will live day to day".
Any savings? I probed further. "Little.."
Then she went off. I stood there, startled, surprise, angry. I walked following her but later having to run an errand , I went off to another direction. Not feeling as good, I decided to trace her to find out where she is going. I feel I have more to say to her. More to say to encourage her.
What I saw in the next instance, broke my heart to BITS. I saw her standing alone at the office tower where she works. A tiny figure at a corner, watching the office people throd by. Ladies in powdered make-up, richly dressed with accessories, men in professional suits and ties.
She just stood there. I took a detour from level 2 and went down to level 1.
" Ho Po Po, why are you standing here...??"
" No, I am just waiting to get back to work." Her reply just put me into tears.
" when I quit, I will return this badge and I will keep this pulley." She said in chinese. My eyes turn red.
The badge pulley is so old and tattered but it mean't so much to her.
I gave her a big hug. Got her name , got her number. Ask for who her supervisor is.
I continue to talk with her until she is ready to go back to work. I shared with her that I understand her as I came across such threats and bully in my working life and most time such oppression left us weak and helpless.
After the conversation ended, I pulled out my mobile, grabbed the tower management office number and started pouring out this story. The lady at the reception listened at my rattering away at her plight and I started to hear her voice break. I managed to reach the field manager in person.
I asked that Grandma Ho be reinstated. I asked that the management will give recognition, not bully or manipulation. I asked that mutual respect be given. I asked that they should visit her at the working place - the toilets when she spent her most time of her life working in. I stated her devotion at work. And I ask that this issue be looked into. A devoted worker do not deserve such treatment. In fact, she ought to be given a ten year award.
This is a social issue that stemmed out of a turbulence, modernised world at this. Paradigm shift..moral shift..
The weak cant reach up to the authorities, needless to say someone who has lack of intellect or language capability to speak back or seek help. She is not english literate and little chinese except dialect.
Such oppression act should be stemmed and replaced by righteousness.
Can you help too? Do a bit to stem out any bully or manipulation in any where you witness? It'll all adds up.
Can you pray for Grandma Ho that all be well?
Thank you
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Busy days
I ought to keep my blog updated but I have not any.
In the following weeks, I hope to log in at least one article per week.
Thanks for sending me emails at tellout.mysoul@gmail.com and providing encouragement.
I have read every of them and appreciate all the comments.
In the following weeks, I hope to log in at least one article per week.
Thanks for sending me emails at tellout.mysoul@gmail.com and providing encouragement.
I have read every of them and appreciate all the comments.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
A heartbreak
Becoming single again after spending 15 years with my first and last boyfriend since twenties. He left me without a face to face conversation except I noticed that he began to drift apart more and more in the last few months. It was a dramatic breakup.
I still recall how the conversation went when he revealed the truth that he found someone else. I was in a state of shock. I rememembered I was getting myself off to a little excursion to the park, for a long day stroll when intuitively, I sensed something was not right. The usual dinner dates are off. He worked late nights more. And he began to remark my lack of makeup and frequently wearing the same kind of clothes.
I can sense the cold shoulders but decided to get on with my usual routine. Until the day when I am supposed to start my new job, a week before, I received the cruel word from him. I was appalled & shattered in tears. I was full of anger and bitterness. He left without an apology. He left with meeting me up for a last explanation. Who was she? 15 years made up almost a quarter of decade, we are so close to getting a house together. His sister called to threaten me to leave his rental place when I have been putting up in the last 9 months. She gave me 6 weeks to pack and relocate to another place.
Six weeks was a record short week for someone grieving over the loss, getting over the rude shock of being betrayed and then having to pick up the pieces and packed my things into boxes and calling for search of another rental place. I sank to a depression and was in bed for 3 days. All I can recall was that I have spiralled off to a depression and later even contemplated suicidal thoughts. I called to the new workplace to delay my start at work by a week, went to a doctor who by chance, she was a saviour. I spent 2 days at the clinic, crying my heart out.
I pushed myself out to get myself out of his place, and same time, devastated at the sudden change of attitude towards me from him and his sister. His sister threatened to throw out my things if I did not respond within the 6 weeks and I hear myself begging for time. Leaving at the mercy of someone you know for 15 years? Strangers are better treating you more humanely that someone close like this.
So I did. That explained my lack of blogging for the few months. I sent off my things to the warehouse, donated my stuff to the Salvation army, and went searching for a place.
I was in depression for a couple of months and well the new job for a start is a bumpy ride. Demand was high and I feel life all snuffed out of me. Strangers were movers who helped me, agents that came to assist me for a house search, a doctor who was compassionate to spend some of her clinical time talking to me, we spent most time at dinners that she brought. Strangers were fellow church brothers and sisters that reached out for some prayers and support. Most time, I reached out as far as I could for God.
Jesus is with me. When I was so tired at the end of the day and asked for God that I will like to go to heaven, He whispered John 11:25 .
I won't want to die, I will want to live.
I still recall how the conversation went when he revealed the truth that he found someone else. I was in a state of shock. I rememembered I was getting myself off to a little excursion to the park, for a long day stroll when intuitively, I sensed something was not right. The usual dinner dates are off. He worked late nights more. And he began to remark my lack of makeup and frequently wearing the same kind of clothes.
I can sense the cold shoulders but decided to get on with my usual routine. Until the day when I am supposed to start my new job, a week before, I received the cruel word from him. I was appalled & shattered in tears. I was full of anger and bitterness. He left without an apology. He left with meeting me up for a last explanation. Who was she? 15 years made up almost a quarter of decade, we are so close to getting a house together. His sister called to threaten me to leave his rental place when I have been putting up in the last 9 months. She gave me 6 weeks to pack and relocate to another place.
Six weeks was a record short week for someone grieving over the loss, getting over the rude shock of being betrayed and then having to pick up the pieces and packed my things into boxes and calling for search of another rental place. I sank to a depression and was in bed for 3 days. All I can recall was that I have spiralled off to a depression and later even contemplated suicidal thoughts. I called to the new workplace to delay my start at work by a week, went to a doctor who by chance, she was a saviour. I spent 2 days at the clinic, crying my heart out.
I pushed myself out to get myself out of his place, and same time, devastated at the sudden change of attitude towards me from him and his sister. His sister threatened to throw out my things if I did not respond within the 6 weeks and I hear myself begging for time. Leaving at the mercy of someone you know for 15 years? Strangers are better treating you more humanely that someone close like this.
So I did. That explained my lack of blogging for the few months. I sent off my things to the warehouse, donated my stuff to the Salvation army, and went searching for a place.
I was in depression for a couple of months and well the new job for a start is a bumpy ride. Demand was high and I feel life all snuffed out of me. Strangers were movers who helped me, agents that came to assist me for a house search, a doctor who was compassionate to spend some of her clinical time talking to me, we spent most time at dinners that she brought. Strangers were fellow church brothers and sisters that reached out for some prayers and support. Most time, I reached out as far as I could for God.
Jesus is with me. When I was so tired at the end of the day and asked for God that I will like to go to heaven, He whispered John 11:25 .
I won't want to die, I will want to live.
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